Saturday, July 14, 2007

Sex in a Relationship

In long-term gay relationships, each of us is aware that sex ebbs and flows. Chances are, if you have been together for years, you may not do it often anymore. Perhaps if you won’t do something about it, your relationship will wither completely.

I vaguely recall my five year relationship with Edwin when I was in my early twenties, but had wind up because we cannot sustained the passion and enjoyment anymore.

We had lots of sex during our first couple of years. It’s obvious that the new-relationship sex is obsessive, exhausting and trying to portray each other as great lovers. When we have sex, it’s enjoyable. But as time passed by, other aspects take over and sex is seen as “nakakasawa na”.

If sex winds down, the trouble comes if you lose track of each other as sexual beings and start to take each other for granted. The risk then is that a third party will view you and your partner as sexual and attractive and reawaken a desire, tempting one of you to stray.

It’s easy to draw a line under your sex life, but if you lost the habit of sex, you can lose the feeling of attractiveness, too; that’s why some partners involve a third person in their sexual intercourse. It sounds rather bleak, but we need to remind ourselves that intimacy comes in many guises and a lack of sex doesn’t always need fixing by way of looking for new partner of have fling with someone. Try to be experimental.

I lost mine, don’t lose yours….

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