KEEPING A RELATIONSHIP

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for the one available.

Best to wait for the one you love than one who's around.

Best to wait for the right one because life's too short to be wasted on just someone.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time, their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.

Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Seeking status, ! sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong?
- communication
- intimacy
- a sense of humor
- sharing household tasks
- some getaway time without business or children
- daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
- sharing common goals and interests
- giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure
- giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment
- asking God to be the center of your relationship.

***If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the passion.

"A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself; to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart."